Things To Ponder

Pet Owners: Beware of Poisonous PlantsIt’s always time to smell the flowers no matter how old you are.

The following is from Anita Ellis, who you may remember is the author of the Letters From Jerusalem.

THINGS TO PONDER

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us He likes us a little bit chubby.

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?

Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

Never sing in the shower. Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So, remember … don’t sing in the shower.

During the Middle Ages they celebrated the end of plague with wine and orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?

If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down the river
at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good about getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the correct answer to, “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

So, if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you are bilingual instead of an idiot.

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

Coronacoaster:noun. The ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.

I’m at the age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought, “Well, aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”

At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020,” or “What in the 2020” or “abso-2020-lutely.”

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Anita Ellis